Little Ears See So Much

Little Ears See So Much

Domestic and family violence casts a long shadow over children, even when they do not witness the violence directly. In my work, I have seen how growing up in a home affected by domestic violence leaves an indelible mark on children’s emotional and psychological development. The absence of visible harm does not equate to safety. The unseen trauma—absorbed through overheard arguments, observing distress in a parent, or living in a constant state of tension—creates a foundation of anxiety and instability. Critically reflecting on Critical Practice in Social Work by Robert Adams, Lena Dominelli, and Malcolm Payne, it is clear that this anxiety often re-emerges in adulthood, particularly in how individuals approach their own relationships.

Adams et al. emphasize the intergenerational impact of domestic violence, noting that even indirect exposure can shape a child’s understanding of conflict, safety, and love. Dominelli underscores that children raised in such environments often internalise patterns of hypervigilance, mistrust, or self-blame, which may later surface as difficulty in forming healthy attachments. For example, an adult who grew up in a tense household may find themselves fearing confrontation so deeply that they avoid addressing conflict altogether, even in relationships where communication is key.

Payne’s exploration of critical practice highlights the need for trauma-informed approaches to address these long-term effects. For instance, practitioners can encourage adults to reframe their understanding of past experiences, helping them recognise how early environments shaped their fears and behaviors. Practical techniques like role-playing or guided conversations can help individuals develop healthier ways to handle conflict or establish boundaries. A person who has avoided confrontation might benefit from strategies to articulate needs assertively, gradually building confidence in conflict resolution.

One poignant example from practice involves a young man who grew up overhearing constant arguments between his parents. Though he was never physically harmed, he described feeling anxious whenever he heard raised voices. In adulthood, this anxiety translated into avoidance of any disagreement, leading to suppressed needs and dissatisfaction in relationships. Through therapy, he began exploring his triggers and learning to engage in conflict constructively.

Ultimately, as Adams, Dominelli, and Payne emphasise, addressing the unseen trauma of domestic violence requires understanding the interconnection of past and present. By helping individuals uncover and rewrite these narratives, social workers and practitioners can empower them to forge healthier, more secure relationships, breaking the cycles of fear and anxiety that often follow children from such environments into their adult lives.

Dr Gaye Cameron PhD MCounPT MBA BSW

01.12.2024